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Oct. 1st, 2005

KP and I celebrated our 10th anniversary this past weekend. TEN. YEARS. Which is kind of a big deal, especially in this city, especially in this day and age, especially at our age.

Which is also why, probably four or five years ago, I had this bright idea to have a HUGE party for our 10th anniversary. Even though anniversaries are typically not as popular to celebrate as weddings – to me, an ANNIVERSARY milestone is a much more appropriate time for celebration!  Especially in this city, especially in this day and age, especially at our age – reaching 10 years of marriage felt a grand achievement worth celebrating.

But life doesn’t always work out the way we want and finances did not quite allow for it at this time. I’m still holding out hope that we’ll be able to throw ourselves an anniversary party in the coming years and celebrate long-term commitment in marriage…but it just did not happen this year. And that’s ok.

What KP and I did instead was spend a weekend together, without kids, at a hotel in downtown L.A. And it was wonderful, I’m not gonna lie. Just being together, and remembering who we are together, and feeling like we’re on the same team again. In some ways, the weekend reminded me of a honeymoon, whereas the entire point is to spend time together. BUT, I was also struck with how. much. better. our 10th Anniversary Getaway was than a honeymoon…and for so many reasons. 10 are listed below.

Whether you are in your earlier years of marriage or still looking at marriage in a far-off future – I hope my blog can be an encouragement to you. After the honeymoon, marriage gets so much better. Don’t be deceived though – marriage actually gets so much worse too. However, it’s through patience, self-sacrifice and the perseverance through the hard times that marriage blooms and grows to its true beauty. Don’t give up during the hard times; marriage CAN get better.

(And for those of you well past 10 years of marriage – I look forward to following in your footsteps and discovering the journey still ahead in mine and KP’s marriage. 🙂 )

So, here we go:

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1) A honeymoon getaway often focuses on destination, activities, and external experiences. But with a 10th Anniversary Getaway, all that matters is strengthening the internal bond between you and your spouse.

KP and I had ZERO plans for the weekend, other than just being together. When and where to have dinner, how late to sleep in, what to spend money on – we made up everything on the fly, as we felt like doing it. And it was great.

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2) Any couple, together for any length of time, can plan a wedding or honeymoon getaway. But it takes TEN YEARS of partnership to reap the privilege of a 10th Anniversary Getaway.

Ten years is no joke, y’all. A very large part of my entire life’s existence has been connected to KP. Our marriage is (and will always continue to be) the largest investment of my life. Not everyone makes it to 10 years of life with another person and this milestone is something worth recognizing.

3) A honeymoon getaway often feels like an “expected” event after “exhausting” wedding planning. But a 10th Anniversary Getaway recognizes that the simplicity of wedding planning HAD NOTHING ON figuring out how to take two totally different people’s lives and intertwine them together for an entire decade…and instead it appreciates every moment of the sheer luxury of being alone together, for which they know they are lucky – and not entitled – to get.

Seriously. Every single moment of this past weekend together was appreciated and cherished. Thank you Mom for watching our kids and allowing us to get away. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope every married couple gets this chance every once in awhile.

4) A honeymoon getaway can be a nice way to spark a kindling fire and get to know a new spouse in new surroundings, but a 10th Anniversary Getaway fans the flames of an already well-established blaze (or at least a pile of hot, smoldering coals) and allows you to even more thoroughly explore your deepest and most fulfilling relationship.

I’m not just talking about the “intimacies” of your relationship either. I’m talking about the regular, daily relationship interactions. How you talk to each other, how you treat each other, how you connect to each other. KP and I needed this re-connection very badly. I think many married couples do.

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Our honeymoon to Laguna Beach, CA. October 2005.

5) A honeymoon getaway is often planned around what spouses THINK the other wants to do, or what “seems” like an acceptable honeymoon destination, but a 10th Anniversary Getaway is better tailored to what  a couple already KNOWS that they want or will like.

And as I’d imagine that most couples would also choose, all KP and I realized we wanted was to be together, a nice hotel room, no kids and no other plans. Location, nor anything else, really mattered.

6) A honeymoon getaway is gone into with very little shared experiences and memories from which to draw from collectively. But a couple goes into 10th Anniversary Getaway with an already vast knowledge about each other and themselves from which to base decisions on.

This saves so much time and mind power when trying to decide what to do. KP and I already know our likes and dislikes, in food, and everything else, so this gives us more freedom to try new things within our known realm of comfort (…or at least stay out of the realm of DIScomfort… 😉 )

7) A honeymoon getaway – or even a wedding itself – is often put off by couples nowadays because they can’t afford the type of lavish wedding or honeymoon that they think they need in order to define the commitment of their relationship. But once you get to a 10th Anniversary Getaway, you realize that money, parties, vacations, houses, cars, kids, etc. do not stand in your way of your commitment to each other.

If KP and I had waited until timing and finances were right before getting married or having kids, well…I’m pretty sure we’d STILL not have done either (and to be perfectly honest, had we still not committed to marriage after all these years, I’m pretty sure we would have given up our relationship during our really hard years).

8) A honeymoon getaway is starting off with a brand new teammate. A 10th Anniversary Getaway is already knowing what makes your team work together best (and what doesn’t work and what you should avoid doing).

Oh, it is amazing how well you get to know someone over so many years…and yet, how there still seems to be new things left to discover.

9) The newness of a honeymoon getaway brings with it uncertainty of your ability to withstand future trials. But by the time you make it to a 10th Anniversary Getaway you’ve already been tested (likely many times over) and are more confident in your ability to withstand whatever the next 10 years may throw at you.

When KP and I were first engaged and married, I stupidly thought that we somehow lucked out and had great communication and were educated and smart enough to know what we were getting into. I thought we’d be one of those supposed couples who never seriously fought, who never fell out of love. If only I knew my naivete. But at least now, after having weathered some storms, do I feel confident that we have the ability (and the commitment) to fight through and stick things out for the long haul.

10) A honeymoon getaway may be a great thing, but a 10th Anniversary Getaway ends up being a much, much better thing. I can’t wait to see what the 20th Anniversary brings. 

Everyday sacrifice, everyday patience, hard times where you wonder if marriage is worth it, and the good times where your spouse makes you feel complete. Marriage is not for wusses.

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I know I can’t do much through this little blog of mine, but even still, I’m on a mission to encourage others in their marriages – even through the really hard stuff – however I can. See below for more of my marriage encouragement posts:

When Marriage Is Hard. Really, Really Hard.

When Marriage Is Hard – An Exhaustive List of Marriage Resources That Can Help

The Complete List of At Home Date Night Subscription Boxes

 

53 comments on “10 Reasons Why a 10th Anniversary Getaway is Better Than a Honeymoon Getaway”

  1. Hey Ronni,

    Firstly congratulations on 10 years it is a huge milestone. The points you make are so relevant.

    10 years must have created a lot of comfort among you both. My fear is always complacency in relationships. Routine and habit sets in and we take each other for granted. So the effort in keeping the person closest to our hearts as special is so important.

    I don’t have kids but have friends that do, so when you say a hotel to do whatever you wanted on the fly sounds like it would be a novelty. As kids do bring strict and regular time slots to the table.

    Keeping the fire alive while having kids must be a juggling act, so being away for even a weekend brings a smile to my face while writing this. I thought this was a great post as relationships with kids is hard work, so once again bravo and congrats on your 10 years.

    Rachel.

  2. Congratulations Ronni! 10 years an amazing milestone and it is so heart warming to read about the love that you and your husband have for each other.

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now and neither of us have the urgency to get married. For me I feel that it’s a party everyone else wants to have and not really something that is going to change our relationship. We are committed to each other and love each other dearly – perhaps we may just skip it and enjoy a 10 ‘together’ anniversary 😉

    Btw love how you put the Blogelina ‘comment’ section at the top – handy to get to know you and your blog.

  3. Hi, Ronni:

    Congrats on reaching the 10 year marriage mark, I hear it’s NOT easy. Although all the couples I personally know (except my parents- sigh!) have been married way past 10 years.

    It sounds like you and your husband had a great time in your getaway and made it very special for yourselves. Way to go.

    Thanks for sharing your special day with us and for the thoughtful advice along the way.

    Missy
    Musings from Chicago

  4. Congrats on 10 years! My husband and I recently celebrated ours. We never took a honeymoon right away. One, because of money, and two, because we saw how stressed our friends were boarding a plane at 5am the day after their wedding only to get sick on their honeymoons. Time under the belt definitely beats starting out. 🙂
    Leilani recently posted…Leek and Potato GratinMy Profile

  5. You made some really great points!

    My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 5 1/2. My best friend set us up and the first couple months of our relationship was long distance. Looking back I think this was a good thing as it gave us time to get to know each other really well before being swept up into the physical aspects of the relationship.

    I tried to click to enter your giveaway but couldn’t find the link. 🙁
    Crystal recently posted…Why I Don’t Make Everything “From Scratch” And Why I’m OK With ItMy Profile

  6. Congratulations on 10 years!! So exciting. I’ve been married almost 5 years (next month). We are in the “it’s hard” stage of marriage, but we both are very committed. The way we met: through a mutual acquaintance, but we actually met at a swing dance class. 🙂 We both love to dance, but don’t really have time for it anymore, sadly. We’ve got a 2 year old and a 6 month old. For our 5 year anniversary we will head out of town for the weekend. It will be a nice reconnecting time. 🙂
    Betsy @ A Mother’s Road recently posted…Going Dairy-free while Breastfeeding a dairy intolerant BabyMy Profile

    • I’m so glad that you’ll be getting away for a bit and congrats on making it to 5 years; that’s a significant amount of time too! If you get a chance and are interested, be sure to check out some of the marriage resources and posts I have on my blog. Hey, if anything, sometimes it’s nice to be encouraged by others who also aren’t always having good times in marriage, yet are fighting to make it through too.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  7. Congratulations on both your anniversary and your blog post’ . Your positive, effervescent personality comes out very strongly and thanks for the great takeaways from this post . What I really admire is your photos before and now where your waistlines remain the same! That’s quite an achievement and is another cause to celebrate . May you grow from strength to strength
    Bellybytes recently posted…Where are all those ideas now?#MondayMusingsMy Profile

  8. Congratulations on 10 years 🙂
    My husband and I will be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary in November. We met on Match.com!!
    Our hardest challenge has been with my in-laws and cultural differences. In the early days it was a constant struggle for me – now I’ve realized that I can’t let every little thing bother me. Fight for the big issues and sort of let little ones go by the wayside or you will go crazy!!
    Shannon recently posted…Handprint Paper Plate ApplesMy Profile

  9. Congratulations on 10 years! K and I are sitting at 8-1/2 years now, so we’re right behind you. I completely agree with you on the 10 year getaway. I would love to take a cruise with hubster for ours, but we’ll have to see how the finances look. For our honeymoon, we went to a cabin in the middle of nowhere- no activities, no plans – just us. It was awesome!
    One thing I can suggest as a marriage resource is this link to 276 questions to ask before getting married. http://www.connact.com/~hom/blog/276questions.htm It asks a lot of the questions that you wouldn’t even think about during those initial days- questions about gender roles, hidden expectations, financial habits, etc. They’re great fodder for date nights. We actually answered them in groups of 10 via email. I still have all the email exchanges saved. It’s fun looking back at who we were then and who we are now.
    Stacy recently posted…Science Day at the Dallas Zoo – 9/26My Profile

  10. We took a ten year anniversary trip too and it was so much fun – your comments are spot on! I think taking regular trips as a couple (although hard to leave the kids) is super important for your marriage – even a few nights away at a nearby hotel can be fun!

  11. Hubby & I celebrated our tenth anniversary this past January and, like you, I had been hoping to throw a big party (we chose to elope, so we didn’t have a reception or honeymoon). Instead, though, we celebrated our 10th with a nice dinner out (leaving our one-year old at home with a babysitter and enjoying some quiet time before baby #2 joined us a few weeks later).
    Suzanna @ One Hoolie Mama recently posted…Gratitude & Goals {week 17}My Profile

  12. This is great! How awesome to get away for the both of you. We really should make an effort to have some time away without kids every now and then. It’s healthy for everyone. Thanks for sharing these great tips! I found you on facebook. Let’s connect!
    Shannon recently posted…Food and Fitness FridayMy Profile

  13. I’ve been married for over 8 years. However, we’ve been together off and on for over 20+ years.

    I’m glad you can see how much better celebrating 10 years of marriage can be better than a honeymoon.

  14. Congrats on 10 years! I love to hear of couples staying together for so long. It’s such a beautiful feeling knowing you are with your soulmate. You get to grow with each other and you learn so much along the way. It’s a journey I wouldn’t trade for the world! I love my better half. He makes me BETTER. I love your ten reasons! My husband and I have been married for 5 years and we have 5 boys. It is hard to focus on us sometimes because so much is about them but we make sure we communicate as that was our biggest problem! Even if it’s just a late night movie together at home after the kids are in bed, we make sure to take that time out for us. Thanks for this post I look forward to growing old with my husband everyday.
    Monica recently posted…Yummy Homemade Chocolate Chip CookiesMy Profile

  15. Congratulations on ten years, what an exciting milestone! It is so true that even as familiarity grows in a relationship over time, there is still a need for reconnection. We call it “planning time!”
    We also joke sometimes about marriage being “the best of times and the worst of times” ala Tale of Two Cities. You have to keep laughing, right?
    Many congratulations to you and wishes for a happy next ten years!
    Linda recently posted…Five Things I LOVE About RomeMy Profile

  16. Congratulations! 10 years is a very long amount of time especially in this day and age. I agree people are very quick to jump into marriages and celebrate them but it is much more important to love and support someone for that long and have that celebrated in my books. Good luck and all the best!!

  17. Congratulations! 10 years is definitely a great accomplishment these days. I’ve been married 13 years and never considered doing this sort of thing. We always talked about having a huge anniversary getaway one year but never got around to it. Thanks so much for sharing I will definitely look into it now.

  18. I found your post very lively and entertaining and I have been married for 7 years but we have been together for 10 years so I totally agree with your points on why a 10 year anniversary is better than a honeymoon! We couldn’t really afford a good honeymoon destination. I should start saving for our 10 year anniversary 😛
    Lerie recently posted…The Journey of a ChallengeMy Profile

  19. So very true! I love all your points. My hubby and I have been together 11 years, and this Nov will be our 5 year wedding anniversary. We didn’t take a honeymoon, and were planning to go away for a long weekend together for this anniversary, although it looks like it might have to be postponed a few months as our 10 month old baby is still nursing exclusively and refuses a bottle. But as soon as she is weaned, we are heading away for our getaway!
    Miranda recently posted…Making Birthday’s Special During the Holiday SeasonMy Profile

  20. My hubby and I have been married for 14 years! We basically grew up together and went to the same church. Our families have been great friends for years. One of our hardest battles is raising children. They require so much time it is hard to find time just for us. We try to make regular date night and always talk before bed. My husband and I also use jw.org a lot. It has a great section for married couples and even raising children. I really like a date night subscription idea. So often it is so hard to think of something different to do.
    Haley @ Haley’s Vintage recently posted…My Favorite DIY Projects ~ Part 8! Plant Stand, Faux Fringe Booties, Picture Frame, and Diaper InsertsMy Profile

  21. It is amazing how a weekend away can make such a difference! My honey and I have been married for 12 years and we met in high school. The hardest part of marriage for us is being parents. We were married for 9 years before we had kids and it’s a huge change. But we make sure we get away when we can so we don’t forget how much we enjoy each others company.
    Heather recently posted…I’m My Own #1 Fan: A Self-Esteem ProblemMy Profile

  22. Congrats on 10 years! I love how you corresponded a honeymoon/wedding with 10 years. 🙂 I have only been married for 3 years but each day just gets better and better. We can NOT wait to go on a ‘second honeymoon’ someday soon and leave the 2 year old behind at Grandma’s for a couple days.
    ChristyK recently posted…Stop and Taste Some Tea!My Profile

  23. Congrats on 10 years! My husband and I have been married for 12 1/2 years. We always had dreams of going to Ireland and renewing our vows for our tenth but finances never permitted. We still hold out that it will happen one day (or I do at least). Every year though we do try to at least get away for at least a full day and night. My favorite part of our anniversary getaway is being able to finish a conversation with him without being interrupted 100 times.
    Rebecca recently posted…The Pressure to Make StridesMy Profile

  24. Congratulations on your tenth! I found this page while researching what to do for my tenth which we are celebrating a few months early because it’s so hard to time 3 kids being healthy and grandparents being available. I totally agree with what you wrote. As much as my husband and I thought we knew each other after being good friends at university for a year and a half, being married was a whole new ball game. Our honeymoon was disappointing because we had completely different expectations and it’s one of the things we try to forget. ;( Now, after almost 10 years, 3 amazing children, job changes, country changes, illness, injury, and family, I think we are ready to celebrate each other and be proud of how we made it through thick and thin. On top of that, it’s the first time we will be away from our kids… Since they were born! We get babysitters once in a while, but that’s just for an evening. Finally three whole days and two whole nights in the mountains alone… With the man I love most.

    • Just reading this comment makes me smile. 🙂 I hope y’all have an AMAZING time on your anniversary weekend and I’m sure it will be completely different than your honeymoon because yeah, you’ll soak in every minute of it. Ha, I sometimes dreamily remember our getaway weekend now and think ahead to hopefully doing it again in maybe another 5 years, sigh…it really is hard to get away, but it’s so worth it. Congrats on your almost 10 years too; it’s truly a milestone!

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