KP and I celebrated our 10th anniversary this past weekend. TEN. YEARS. Which is kind of a big deal, especially in this city, especially in this day and age, especially at our age.
Which is also why, probably four or five years ago, I had this bright idea to have a HUGE party for our 10th anniversary. Even though anniversaries are typically not as popular to celebrate as weddings – to me, an ANNIVERSARY milestone is a much more appropriate time for celebration! Especially in this city, especially in this day and age, especially at our age – reaching 10 years of marriage felt a grand achievement worth celebrating.
But life doesn’t always work out the way we want and finances did not quite allow for it at this time. I’m still holding out hope that we’ll be able to throw ourselves an anniversary party in the coming years and celebrate long-term commitment in marriage…but it just did not happen this year. And that’s ok.
What KP and I did instead was spend a weekend together, without kids, at a hotel in downtown L.A. And it was wonderful, I’m not gonna lie. Just being together, and remembering who we are together, and feeling like we’re on the same team again. In some ways, the weekend reminded me of a honeymoon, whereas the entire point is to spend time together. BUT, I was also struck with how. much. better. our 10th Anniversary Getaway was than a honeymoon…and for so many reasons. 10 are listed below.
Whether you are in your earlier years of marriage or still looking at marriage in a far-off future – I hope my blog can be an encouragement to you. After the honeymoon, marriage gets so much better. Don’t be deceived though – marriage actually gets so much worse too. However, it’s through patience, self-sacrifice and the perseverance through the hard times that marriage blooms and grows to its true beauty. Don’t give up during the hard times; marriage CAN get better.
(And for those of you well past 10 years of marriage – I look forward to following in your footsteps and discovering the journey still ahead in mine and KP’s marriage. 🙂 )
So, here we go:
1) A honeymoon getaway often focuses on destination, activities, and external experiences. But with a 10th Anniversary Getaway, all that matters is strengthening the internal bond between you and your spouse.
KP and I had ZERO plans for the weekend, other than just being together. When and where to have dinner, how late to sleep in, what to spend money on – we made up everything on the fly, as we felt like doing it. And it was great.
2) Any couple, together for any length of time, can plan a wedding or honeymoon getaway. But it takes TEN YEARS of partnership to reap the privilege of a 10th Anniversary Getaway.
Ten years is no joke, y’all. A very large part of my entire life’s existence has been connected to KP. Our marriage is (and will always continue to be) the largest investment of my life. Not everyone makes it to 10 years of life with another person and this milestone is something worth recognizing.
3) A honeymoon getaway often feels like an “expected” event after “exhausting” wedding planning. But a 10th Anniversary Getaway recognizes that the simplicity of wedding planning HAD NOTHING ON figuring out how to take two totally different people’s lives and intertwine them together for an entire decade…and instead it appreciates every moment of the sheer luxury of being alone together, for which they know they are lucky – and not entitled – to get.
Seriously. Every single moment of this past weekend together was appreciated and cherished. Thank you Mom for watching our kids and allowing us to get away. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope every married couple gets this chance every once in awhile.
4) A honeymoon getaway can be a nice way to spark a kindling fire and get to know a new spouse in new surroundings, but a 10th Anniversary Getaway fans the flames of an already well-established blaze (or at least a pile of hot, smoldering coals) and allows you to even more thoroughly explore your deepest and most fulfilling relationship.
I’m not just talking about the “intimacies” of your relationship either. I’m talking about the regular, daily relationship interactions. How you talk to each other, how you treat each other, how you connect to each other. KP and I needed this re-connection very badly. I think many married couples do.
5) A honeymoon getaway is often planned around what spouses THINK the other wants to do, or what “seems” like an acceptable honeymoon destination, but a 10th Anniversary Getaway is better tailored to what a couple already KNOWS that they want or will like.
And as I’d imagine that most couples would also choose, all KP and I realized we wanted was to be together, a nice hotel room, no kids and no other plans. Location, nor anything else, really mattered.
6) A honeymoon getaway is gone into with very little shared experiences and memories from which to draw from collectively. But a couple goes into 10th Anniversary Getaway with an already vast knowledge about each other and themselves from which to base decisions on.
This saves so much time and mind power when trying to decide what to do. KP and I already know our likes and dislikes, in food, and everything else, so this gives us more freedom to try new things within our known realm of comfort (…or at least stay out of the realm of DIScomfort… 😉 )
7) A honeymoon getaway – or even a wedding itself – is often put off by couples nowadays because they can’t afford the type of lavish wedding or honeymoon that they think they need in order to define the commitment of their relationship. But once you get to a 10th Anniversary Getaway, you realize that money, parties, vacations, houses, cars, kids, etc. do not stand in your way of your commitment to each other.
If KP and I had waited until timing and finances were right before getting married or having kids, well…I’m pretty sure we’d STILL not have done either (and to be perfectly honest, had we still not committed to marriage after all these years, I’m pretty sure we would have given up our relationship during our really hard years).
8) A honeymoon getaway is starting off with a brand new teammate. A 10th Anniversary Getaway is already knowing what makes your team work together best (and what doesn’t work and what you should avoid doing).
Oh, it is amazing how well you get to know someone over so many years…and yet, how there still seems to be new things left to discover.
9) The newness of a honeymoon getaway brings with it uncertainty of your ability to withstand future trials. But by the time you make it to a 10th Anniversary Getaway you’ve already been tested (likely many times over) and are more confident in your ability to withstand whatever the next 10 years may throw at you.
When KP and I were first engaged and married, I stupidly thought that we somehow lucked out and had great communication and were educated and smart enough to know what we were getting into. I thought we’d be one of those supposed couples who never seriously fought, who never fell out of love. If only I knew my naivete. But at least now, after having weathered some storms, do I feel confident that we have the ability (and the commitment) to fight through and stick things out for the long haul.
10) A honeymoon getaway may be a great thing, but a 10th Anniversary Getaway ends up being a much, much better thing. I can’t wait to see what the 20th Anniversary brings.
Everyday sacrifice, everyday patience, hard times where you wonder if marriage is worth it, and the good times where your spouse makes you feel complete. Marriage is not for wusses.
I know I can’t do much through this little blog of mine, but even still, I’m on a mission to encourage others in their marriages – even through the really hard stuff – however I can. See below for more of my marriage encouragement posts:
When Marriage Is Hard. Really, Really Hard.
When Marriage Is Hard – An Exhaustive List of Marriage Resources That Can Help
The Complete List of At Home Date Night Subscription Boxes