In early December, I went out of my comfort zone a bit and reviewed a date night subscription box called The Fantasy Box. The post, titled Bringing Sexy Back To Your Marriage, about marriage intimacy, went over so well that The Fantasy Box contacted me again and asked if I’d like to review one of their Valentine’s Day boxes as well!
Of course we said no. Whatever, just kidding! I went straight to their VDay special collection boxes and picked out one that looked especially ‘red’ hot.
Emphasis on the RED part. 😉
Disclaimer: KP and I were given a free box to review, but I was not paid to write this. All opinions and thoughts are my own!
The Fantasy Box offers both a monthly subscription box and special edition boxes for Christmas/Winter Holidays and Valentine’s Day. For this review, I chose their Valentine’s Day special edition box called “The Red Party”. Hey, I like the color red and I like color themes, so this particular box in their “playful” series (more on this later) appealed to me.
Each Fantasy Box contains goodies such as lingerie, toys, intimacy helpers, etc. But the best, and most unique, part of each box is the Role Cards. There’s one card for each partner, containing suggestions on how to get into the mood, or set up the scene, or guide an activity. Think classy, not cheesy.
KP and I have done quite a few of these boxes over the past couple years and so I’m pretty familiar with how these role cards work by now. Buuuutt…
Can I be honest? I hate to say it, but when I got this Red Party box in the mail and opened it up and read my role card?? I wasn’t sure what I thought about this particular fantasy scenario.
It wasn’t anything bad. It wasn’t past any of my boundaries (more on this later). It just, well, it wasn’t my style. I didn’t think I could pull it off. It was out of my comfort zone.
If you read my first Fantasy Box review, you’ll know that one of the great things about these boxes is that nothing is required. Yes, they set up a scenario for you, and include items for you to play out that scenario, but they also encourage you to deviate from the script as much or as little as you want. Really. The whole point of The Fantasy Box is to bring a couple closer together through a shared intimate experience. How exactly you come together is up to you. (darnit, I really did not plan such an obvious double entendre there, but now it’s there and I’m leaving it.)
But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that there’s another point to these boxes too – to create a safe space for a couple to explore together, to build trust, and yes…to sometimes push their comfort zones just a little bit.
Comfort zones and boundaries and marriage intimacy are not easy things to talk about. Privately nor publicly.
But I think it’s worth it to talk about, so here I go.
Ahem, ahem, ahem.
There is a difference between Comfort Zones and Boundaries.
Boundaries are places you’re not willing to go. Crossing this line will result in a serious breach of trust and damage to the relationship.
Comfort Zones are places where you’re most comfortable and prefer to remain. But this line is somewhat adjustable depending on the situation, your trust in your spouse, and the strength of your relationship.
If you subscribe to a monthly Fantasy Box subscription, the first box you get will contain a questionnaire for you and your spouse to discuss your preferences, comfort zones, maybe-somedays and never-anydays. Regardless of whether or not you become Fantasy Box subscribers, this is a conversation all marriages should re-visit occasionally over the years.
One of the biggest hindrances to marriage intimacy is the fear of rejection:
- The fear of initiating an intimate encounter…only to have your spouse brush off your advance.
- The fear of sharing a desire or curiosity you have…only to have your spouse ridicule the idea.
- The fear of trying something new in bed…only to have your spouse react negatively because you unknowingly pushed them too far.
Our society often talks about consent in relationships, but the truth is that in MARRIAGE intimacy, there’s something much more beautiful and complex that happens, especially in long term marriages. There’s an implied understanding of trust, and honesty, and willingness to try new things, and knowing when to push yourself and your spouse out of your comfort zones, and when not to.
One of the great things about the confines of a committed and trusting marriage is that it allows for unspoken intimate exploration together without fear of being rejected by your spouse. And it also gives you the freedom and willingness to push your own comfort zones without feeling as though you’ve gone too far.
But you have to first know the differences between and respect your boundaries and comfort zones. And also for your spouse.
Ok, back to the date night:
Remember how I mentioned that nothing in The Fantasy Boxes are ever required? Well, that’s a good thing, because of all the boxes I’ve gotten so far from them, this is the one I’ve deviated off the plan the most.
I knew that I was a little unsure of how to play out the evening, and that I would need some time to warm up to the idea. Sooooo I strrrrretcheddddd out the evening a bit more than usual.
We put the kids to bed on the earlier side, and while I cleaned and readied the room and took unboxing pictures, KP grilled us a nice salmon dinner. Earlier in the day I had cleaned off an outside table and patio chairs in order to set up a little “date night dinner” in our room. (Btw, don’t laugh. I totally put purple pillowcases over the backs of the plastic folding chairs to try to make them seem a tiny bit nicer. Whatevs.)
I wasn’t ready to jump into the sexy date time yet, but at least still sticking to the “Red Party” theme, we wore casual red clothing to the dinner date portion. You know, like a “normal” date. Over dinner we talked about our week, about the kids, about life, typical stuff. In hindsight, I think we really needed this chill dinner, as a way to decompress, focus on each other, loosen up together. *I* needed this time to get comfortable, to transition from momlife busyness and nonstop noise in my head — to being my own individual and a wife and free in my own skin.
It also gave me some time to figure out how – or if – I could pull off the slightly-out-of-my-comfort-zone suggested scenario.
After dinner, KP did dishes, and I got the room ready for dessert. I gave KP some instructions, changed into my “second course outfit”, and let him know when we could come back in. During dessert, I decided to have us play a question game. Similar to the idea suggested in the role cards…but different. Something I liked better, something I felt more comfortable with, something I felt I could play off more convincingly.
By the time the dessert round was over, we were feeling a bit more comfortable. Heck, I mean, *I* was feeling a bit more comfortable. I kicked KP out of the room again in order to invite him back for some “after dinner drinks”. Another outfit change. A look back at my Red Party role card suggested scenario…
Nah. Here’s the point where I don’t let my blog audience in anymore. Everything else that happened is just for KP and I.
But we’ll just leave it at this: The willingness to occasionally push outside your comfort zone (but not your boundaries) within the trust of your marriage can lead to good things.
All The Fantasy Box details:
– $39 – $159/mo. depending on the tier you want (Essentials, Classic or Platinum)
– First box of a subscription is the Introduction Box, which gives you a guide for discussing your intimate preferences and desires, as well as introduces you to the different box theme you might find in later boxes.
– The Fantasy Boxes are centered around 4 overall themes: Sensual, Playful, Costume, and Control. If you know that you don’t want a specific theme (or if you want more of one of them), you can email them and they will pull/add those boxes from your queue. This is also a good idea if pregnant/postpartum and are temporarily feeling less comfortable with certain things.
– You can set up your subscription for every month or every-other-month.
– Other than their subscription boxes, they also offer one-time Special Edition boxes. The Red Party box reviewed here is one of their special edition Valentine’s Day Boxes. They also offer 3-box bundles of one of their themes. Oh, and they also sell toys and lingerie separately, but I’ve only ever done the boxes, so I don’t really know much about that section of the site.
— And…..I have a promo code for you!! Use the code SCREEN10 for 10% off ANY purchase, not just a subscription! – you can also get 10% off by signing up for their email newsletter, but that discount only applies to a subscription; mine applies to any product as well. If you don’t mind, please use my code SCREEN10 so they’ll know that I sent you. 🙂
Thanks The Fantasy Box for letting us try out one of your boxes!