The sun is shining right now. It got into the 80s yesterday. It’s in the 80s again today. I’m wearing a sundress.
This is how Southern California is supposed to be. Not rainy and gloomy and windy and cold like it has been the past couple months.
I haven’t exactly been enjoying this pregnancy, to be honest. Even though it’s likely my last and I know I should appreciate these precious moments. The past month has been especially rough. It started with my stupid sprained ankle. Who knew that that one brief moment of inattention would cause that one tiny misstep at that exact time and place and angle that allowed me to fall in such a way that ripped apart my ankle ligament and affected my mobility for an entire month?? I fell over a month ago and I’m just now feeling brave enough to test out long periods during the day without wearing my splint.
Things could be way worse in my life though. I shouldn’t complain.
Still. With first the weather and my ankle, and then my face broke out horribly, and then I got an eye stye so that I was embarrassed to leave the house and I started flaking on things and then felt bad about flaking, and then I’d eat junk to make myself better and now I weigh what I did at the very end of both my previous pregnancies and I still have two more months to go in this one – let’s just say my mood and energy levels have not been the best lately.
In a few months I hope to unveil a super awesome new blog post. No longer will I be known for my How Our Family of 4 Lives in 700 Sq. Ft. post – we’re now movin’ on up to what I’m suuure is going to to be the latest internet sensation, ha ha. I’ll call it: How to Squeeze Every Last Inch Out Of Your Home, aka How Our Family of Five (yes, FIVE) Lives in Only 700 Square Feet.
I never thought I’d become this small house living person. But here we are. Doing what we can with what we have.
Really though. KP and I have been hard at work the past couple weeks and months. We never did the whole “nesting” thing with either of the first two kids, but for some reason, we are for this third kid. I think we accepted that we’re stuck in this house for at least a couple more years and so we’re determined to make the best of it.
There’s been lots of careful measuring, trips to Ikea (yeah, yeah, largest Ikea in the entire U.S. moving into MY town!), Amazon delivery boxes, furniture assembly, fabric bought, and even some paint thrown on a wall or two.
So yeah, we’ve only been married for what, over 11 years and are expecting our 3rd child – we’re just now finally putting forth serious effort to make our house feel like a home. Whatever. 🙂
Yesterday afternoon, I was blending up some smoothies. When I turned the blender on, “Freddie” (as we’ve come to jokingly nickname this baby inside me; no, we don’t even know if it’s a boy or girl, but either way the nickname has stuck. 🙂 ) jumped around inside me, apparently not enjoying the loud noise.
Their sudden reaction caught me off guard. It was the first time I’d really noticed this person inside me reacting to the world outside me. It was a nice reminder that oh yeah, there is an actual, separate individual from me that I have the privilege of carrying around and safeguarding until they are able to join the outside world. It made me feel like I was finally bonding with this new little one.
Today, I went swimming at the gym. Which in and out of itself is cause for huge celebration.
a) I actually got out of the house and did something.
b) I can finally take my stupid ankle splint off for long enough to not feel like I’m going to twist it again if I walk on it unsupported, and
c) I’ve only gone to the gym a few times this pregnancy, and I haven’t gone swimming (usually my favorite form of exercise) in months and months…and months.
While in the water and catching my breath between laps, I felt little Freddie kick my hand, and it was a direct enough hit that I could actually distinguish a little leg or foot or arm or some sort of appendage. And that made me happy. Because that’s right, there really is a little baby inside me right now. There really, really is. I don’t have a huge bloated belly and weird grumbling movements moving all around in there for nothing afterall – there’s a little baby, as big as a butternut squash, who’d be able (with medical assistance, of course) to survive in the outside world right this very moment….and likely would’ve been had a decent shot at survival for the past month.
Freddie is a legit individual hanging out inside me, guys. Totally legit.
Soon he or she will be running around playing as my other two kids are playing together right now. Talking and with a little personality all their own. And I will gaze at her/him lovingly thinking they are the most amazing little creature just as I’m right now gazing at my two older children.
Man, this post is starting to remind me of this other one I wrote almost 3 years ago when my son was a newborn.
Bringing life into the world.
The passage of time.
All the grand concepts of existence that are beyond our capacity to fully understand.
It’s pretty cool when you think about it all, huh?
I’m really glad the sun’s back out.
I was getting pretty gloomy there for awhile.