Rambling Ronni: Living, dying, spacetime.

There are more thoughts in my head than I have time to think about. To write out. To acknowledge. To make matter.

I’m stuck in my own world, in my own head, pondering. Feeling. Watching. Hoping.
Caught in this moment. This brief moment. Of all time. Of all existence.

My baby’s growing. I’m getting older. Years will pass. What is modern becomes what is outdated.
Everyone who came before me: I will soon be like you.
Everyone who comes after me: You will soon be like me.

Why Would Anyone Want To Have Kids? Here’s Why I Did.

As you may know, I’m currently pregnant with my third child. And oddly, I find myself questioning my motive for this pregnancy much more than I did with either of my first two children. I’ve been stumbling into articles about “why have kids?” or about the anti-natalism or childfree movements – and it seems there’s a lot of belief out there that parenthood, and especially motherhood, not only holds one back from a more ‘significant’ and ‘productive’ potential, but also leaves a person in denial of their regret over the loss of that once-childfree-potential. Instead, parenthood is consumed by the mind-numbing-ness of dirty diapers, tantruming toddlers, never-ending carpools, bratty preteens, and rebellious teenagers…when you know, they could actually be doing something meaningful with their lives otherwise. Many use this as a reason to remain childfree, a choice that they believe will allow them to lead better, happier, more fulfilling lives than if they had chosen to reproduce.

Life. And Death. And Books.

The closest I’ve ever come to understanding death was the moment I gave birth to my first child.

There were no complications, neither I nor the baby were in distress, and my daughter was born perfectly healthy.

Still, in that moment, consumed in the un-medicated haze of labor pains and heavy acceptance of new life leaving my being to form its own – I experienced a profound connection to the intensity of both life and death all at once. Life and death, two journeys we all must pass, inevitably, once at our beginning and once at our end.

I Want It All, And I Want It Now. (& Where Am I Going With All This Again?)

And then all these grand thoughts about the meaning of life have to bubble up and demand to be reconciled…precisely at a time when I don’t have the time or mindspace to devote time or mindspace to them.

But I want to think these thoughts. I want to reconcile them into nice organized compartments in my mind. I want everything to make sense and have answers.

I want it all.

SQT 3/6/15: Seven Questions & My Most Epic Blog Post Yet

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